The Randomness Commands Me To
by khknight
Summary: Roxas goes emo! Then, Sephiroth keeps singing to Cloud! And Sora can't tell if Riku or Rikku is Riku! Just random stories full of randomness!
1. Roxas The Emo Kid!

**Khknight: AHOBANOGAFJISTOMPU!**

Namine: Hello! I'll be translating for Khknight! His case of writer's block drove him insane. Oh, and he said "Hello! And welcome to another story by me!"

Khknight: -runs around in circles with tongue hanging out-

Namine: Okay, I think that means "Disclaimer: I don't own anything!" and "DON'T HURT ME ALL OF YOU WHO HATE LABELS!"  
**  
Khknight: -licks viewers-**

Namine: -stares- -takes out remote control and pushes button-

Khknight: -gets shocked- YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW! -passes out-

**Namine: Okay! Enjoy the show!**

Roxas The Emo Kid!

Hayner, Pence, and Olette sat on a bench near the train station. Like every other day, they ate sea-salt ice cream. Hayner looked around.

"Hey, have you two seen Roxas around yet?" he asked before taking a lick from his ice cream. Pence stood up and looked over the balcony.

"I think that's him." he replied as he pointed to a boy dressed in black. Hayner and Olette stood up and looked over. The boy was skateboarding through town and had blonde, spikey hair.

"That's him. I'd recognize that haircut any where." Olette confirmed. Hayner and Pence nodded and sat back down. They continued to lick their ice cream until Roxas came. At the sight of him, they froze. Each of their ice cream fell out of their hands and mouths. Roxas had turned emo!

"R-roxas? I-is that y-you?" Pence asked shakilly. Roxas sniffed and wiped his nose. He was dressed in a black, short sleeve hoody with a skull covered in blood on the front, tight black pants, many belts on in various places, and he had many bangles on his arms.

"Yup, it's me." he replied. He kicked his skateboard and caught it in his arm. Olette fainted, Hayner punched himself, and Pence threw up in the garbage. "Okay then. Later." he replied before going inside the train station. Pence quickly took out his camera and took a picture of Roxas. Olette got back up.

"Oh, man. I had the strangest dream." she said drowsilly. "I dreamnt that Roxas had turned emo. What a mess that woulda been, huh?" she asked. Pence showed her the picture. Her eyes grew big before she fainted again. Hayner rubbed where he punched himself.

"C'mon, we gotta fix Roxas. I'll carry Olette to the Usual Spot." he replied. He picked her up as Pence followed and thought of ways to fix Roxas.

**Later**

Hayner, Pence, and Olette hid behind a wall and watched Roxas at the skate park. They sat back down behind the wall and thought about their plan.

"Anyone got a plan yet?" Hayner asked. Pence and Olette nodded no. Suddenly, a knife fell from the sky. It fell right inbetween Hayner and Olette. They both rubbed off a sweat before looking above. There sat a chuckling Seifer.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA! What a couple of chicken wusses." he taunted as he jumped off the wall and walked away. Hayner clenched his fists. Olette grabbed his shoulder.

"Wait, we'll deal with Seifer later. I got an idea." she replied Hayner looked at Seifer angrilly and took a breath.

"What is it?" Pence asked. Olette smiled.

"First, is Roxas scared of pointy objects?"

**Later Again**

Roxas grabbed his board and bought a soda from a nearby concession stand.

"Oh Roxas!" someone called in a sing-song voice. Roxas turned around and dropped his soda. Olette, Pence, and Hayner were carrying a pair of scizzors the size of Twilight Town itself. Roxas fell backwards and crawled to a wall.

"Wh-what's that!" he asked shakilly. All three of his friends put on evil faces and smiles.

"Pull out your arm." Hayner replied. Roxas started to sweat. Pence and Hayner held Roxas down and his wrist out while Olette slowly moved the blade toward it.

"W-WAIT! ST-ST-STOP!" he yelled.

"What's wrong Roxas? I thought you liked being emo." Olette snarled as she continued to move the blade toward him. Roxas shook his head.

"W-WAIT! I-I CAN EXPLAIN!" he yelled. Olette stopped and Pence and Hayner let him go. Roxas got up and took his hood off.

"Okay, it's all simple. I lost a bet with Seifer." he replied. "If I won in a hotdog eating contest against him, he would pay for my meals for a month. If I lost, I would have to go emo for an entire month." His three friends hung their mouths in the air.

"Okay then. I'll see you guys tomorrow." Roxas replied quickly before riding his board home.****

The Next Day

Roxas was at the skate park again. He was still worried about his friends the day before. Then he saw them coming. His jaw dropped.

Hayner was dressed in an all black version of his favorite outfit and had belts all around over.

Olette wore a pair of emo glasses, a black shirt with a bloody rose on it, a pair of torn up black jeans, and black sneakers.

"Hi!" they said simultaneously. Roxas rubbed his eye.

"Please don't tell me you guys..." they smiled.

"You seriously didn't think we would let you endure this alone, did you?" Olette asked. Roxas smiled. They laughed and skated the bowl together for the rest of the day.

"Hey, where's Pence?" Roxas asked as he skated the wall.

"He called in sick." Hayner replied after landing.

**Somewhere**

"Those two are crazy!" Pence replied as he ate his 27th ice cream bar. He continued to watch cartoons and gulp down ice cream.

**Khknight: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!**

Sora: -walks in- Still crazy?

Namine: Yup.

Roxas: -walks in- I got an idea. -pulls out shotgun-

Namine: -stares- No.


	2. Which Way To The Asyllum?

**Khknight: SAMCUBAVIDOKU!**

Namine: Yes, Khknight is still crazy. Oh, and he said "Hello! Another random story by me!"

Khknight: KAMSOBPOOPA!

Namine: Um...-pulls out book- He said "I want pudding." -shrugs-

Khknight: -slams head on wall repeatedly-

Namine: -flips through book- Uh...there's nothing in here. ROXAS!

Roxas: -appears out of nowhere- You called?

**Namine: -points to khknight- Oh, and Disclaimer: Khknight doesn't own anything.**

Roxas: Gotcha ya. -pulls out tranquilizer gun and shoots khknight-

Khknight: -falls to the ground and loses consciousness-

Roxas: All done! Enjoy this next story!

Which Way To The Asyllum? (Or What Happens When Characters Connect With Their Voice Actors)

Riku woke up and rubbed his eyes. He got dressed and walked down to the kitchen. He found Sora and Roxas sitting there eating cereal. He decided to have some too so he grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and sat down. He poured himself some cereal and started to shovel it in.

"Guys, how 'bout we hit the mall today?" Riku asked after he gulped down some cereal. Sora and Roxas looked at each other.

"Sure, lemme get dressed." Roxas replied after finishing his cereal. He quickly dumped his bowl into the sink and ran to his room.

"Me too." Sora added. He did the same and ran to his room. Riku shrugged and continued to eat. Soon, an hour had passed and Riku was watching T.V.

"Where the hell are those two?" he muttered to himself. He sighed, got up, and walked to their rooms. "If they ditched me to go to the mall again, I'm kicking their asses twice as hard." he muttered as he openned Roxas's door. His mouth fell to the ground at the sight.

Roxas was there shaking his booty to himself in the mirror while singing. To make matters worse, he was doing it in nothing, but his undergarments. "G-get g-get, get your shine on!" he sang. Also, Riku could see crowds of girls outside Roxas's window, including a guy with red spikey hair. Riku quickly shut the door and slapped himself.

"I'm not even going to ask." he muttered to himself as he opened Sora's door. He found Sora sitting in the corner of his room, with the lights off. Riku kneeled down to Sora. "Sora, are you okay?" he quickly asked. Sora just stared into the darkness.

"So...many...dead...people..." he whispered. Riku looked around. Nothing was there.

"Sora, it's okay, nothing's here except us." he replied. Sora shook his head.

"There's so many in here...so...many..." he continued. Riku stood up and backed up a couple stairs. Sora stood up with his head down.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed. He ran through his door and out the house. "BRUCE WILLIS! HELP! IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!" he yelled a block away. Riku shook off what just happened and went over to Cloud's house. Upon arrival, he heard a crash. He knocked on the door and it fell open. He saw Cloud angrilly slamming chairs, tables, and other things over Sephiroth's head as he ran away and as Sephiroth chased him while singing.

"It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you, but when we are apart, I feel it tooOOOooh." Sephiroth sang. Cloud got even madder and threw him out the window.

"It was bad enough when you were shaking your ass when you sang Backstreet Boys songs!" Cloud snapped. Sephiroth got up and gave the lip on his knees.

"Please Cloud! It's okay to be gay! Accept my love!" he pleaded. He jumped back after Cloud pulled out a gun. Riku twitched and left the house twitching, leaving Sephiroth to sing boy band songs and Cloud to beat him up for it.

"That takes Cloud off the list. Hmm...I wonder if Kairi and Namine are available." Riku muttered to himself. He went over to their house and stepped to the door. He was about to knock when it blasted open. Kairi stood there with bags and suitcases. "Going somewhere?" he asked. Kairi smiled.

"I'm off to reconnect with my navy commanding daddy on a cruise and to shoot a commercial about acne wash. See ya in a few weeks!" she cheered as she left and called a taxi. Riku shrugged and walked up stairs. He opened Namine's door and found her sitting on the ground. He looked over her shoulder. She was holding a doll and shoving needles through it.

"Must...kill...John Tucker..." she said over and over. Riku backed up a bit.

"Um, Namine?" he called. Namine slowly turned her head smiling and twitching. "Who's John Tucker?" Riku asked. Namine's smile greatened and her twitching intensified.

"I have NO IDEA! BUT HE MUST DIE!" she shrieked. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" she laughed maniacally. She continued to shove pins into the doll. Riku laughed nerviously and slowly closed the door. He went back home and sat on the couch.

"Well, I guess the mall is off the list today." he muttered. He turned on the TV. A 7th Heaven marathon was on.

"But I love you!" one of the characters cried on the show.

"Eh." Riku watched the show for the rest of the day.

**Meanwhile**

Roxas was on the roof performing a little concert for his fans who were standing, screaming and jumping in his backyard.

"Baby, take me on a journey. I've been thinkin' lately, I could spend all lil time with you." he sang. His fans screamed even harder. Roxas finished up his song and jumped into the crowd.

"THANK YOU DESTINY ISLANDS!" he yelled. The girls screamed harder than ever, including that red, spikey haired guy.

**Khknight: LAFJOSKUPINUTCAPUTSU!**

Namine: Um, I think that's "I hope you enjoyed my story with pudding!" Either that, or "GIMME A COOKIE!"

Roxas: Damn, I'm out of tranquilizers.

Namine: Okay, I'll drop the "bomb" and we'll run out and get some more. -drops frag grenade and runs out the door with Roxas-


	3. The King and His Kast P1

**Khknight: Hello all! Wow, I haven't updated in like, ever.**

**Sora: No shit.**

**Khknight: Hey, you can just shut the fuck up and kiss my ass you stupid spikey-haired son of a bitch!**

**Riku: Wow, someone learned how to curse.**

**Sora: HEY! The ladies dig the hair!**

**Kairi: -taps foot- Ahem.**

**Sora: Heh, heh. Hi Kai.**

**Khknight: Okay, while we take care of this bloodshed, let's move on to the update!**

**The Randomness Commands Me To**

**The King and His Kast Part 1**

The author walks into a blue room with two chairs and a side table. He sits in one of the chairs and looks to the audience and says, **"**Hello all to the first episode of The King and His Kast! Today, we're interviewing that spikey-haired weirdo, Sora!"

Sora walks in with his KH2 outfit on and waves to the audience as they clap. He takes a seat next to the author and shakes his hand.

"Thanks for having me here." He says to the author.

"No, thanks you. So how have you liked being in my fanfics?" the author replies. Sora takes a deep breath and smiles.

"I've enjoyed it very much. I always end up in situations that I resolve and I always get paired up with Kairi." He explains happily. Suddenly, a fan girl ran up to Sora with hearts in her eyes.

"LIKE, OH EM GEE! I JUST LOVE YOU! MARRY ME!" she yelled at Sora. Then, a white haired man with the tag entitled "Security" on his shirt dragged her away.

"Thank you very much Taiko!" the author exclaimed. "Moving on, would you say that Kairi is your one true love?"

"Ahhh…." Sora stalled. He took a deep breath and let it out. "I'm not entirely sure. Love is really a mysterious thing. I've looked at Namine, Yuffie, and many other girls. I've been paired up with lots of people in fanfics." He explained.

"Um…" the author gulped. "Wow, what a lament. On to the next topic. Sora, what do you plan on doing after my fanfics?"

"Well, save the worlds again, duh." He replied sarcastically.

"With that duck and dog again?" the author asked with a smile.

"Probably not. I'd like to go adventuring with Kairi and Riku, like we originally planned." He answered.

"Besides, those two kinda scare me. Donald's always walking around without pants. I mean, isn't that a universal offense for streaking? And Goofy! He can walk on all four legs but he's the same species as Pluto and dogs at Twilight Town! It's a paradox! HOW THE HELL DOES HE FIT IN EVOLUTION ANYWAY?!" he yelled, standing on his chair. He cleared his throat and sat back down.

"So yeah, I'm gonna go save the world with Riku and Kairi." He finished.

"O…kay. Let's go on to our next subject. Who would you say has the most spikey hair in the people you know, including yourself?" the author asked.

He took another deep breath and chuckled. "Wow, that's a hard one. Let's see, there's Leon, Cloud, Riku, Axel, and myself." He began. He took a second to think. "I think Cloud has the most spikey air out of all of us." He replied. "His hair has the longest length out of all of us."

"Speaking of spikey hair, how do you keep your hair spiked twenty-four seven?" the author asked. The audience leaned forward. This was the big question they were waiting for.

"Well, it's quite simple. I-"Before Sora could even start to begin, a large rumbling began.

The doors for the audience blasted open and there stood an angry mob consisting of Roxas, Leon, Cloud, Axel, Hayner, and Tidus. They were lead by a very angry Kairi.

"K-KAIRI!" Sora screamed. Kairi's eyes burned with anger.

"HOW DARE YOU SAY I'M NOT YOUR TRUE LOVE!" she bellowed at him. Sora shuddered.

"Wait, why are those guys here?" the author asked.

"BECAUSE SORA LOOKED AT OUR GIRLS!" they yelled. They yelled so hard, the author's hair was blown back, and stayed that way. The author shook his head and fixed his hair.

"Gentlemen," Kairi took out her keyblade, "CHARGE!" she yelled as she pointed at Sora. Sora screamed and ran backstage. The angry mob followed as the author watched.

"Well, I guess that ends today's show. See you all next week or whenever the hell I feel like. Today's motto: Don't be a fool, never poke a mule." The author said before walking off stage and the audience clapped."

**Sora: You forgot one topic!**

**Khknight: I did?**

**Sora: Yeah! You forgot to talk about how annoying emos can be!**

**Khknight, Riku, and Roxas: BITCH, WE RESENT THAT!**


End file.
